So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
