matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize