whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
