That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
