The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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