1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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