Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
