Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
