When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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