Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
