Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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