I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
