I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize