so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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