i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
