I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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