I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
