I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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