Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
