i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
