you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
