this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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