so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
