Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
