you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
