I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
