He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize