boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
