At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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