Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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