I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
