Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
