he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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