Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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