i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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