I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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