problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you made out with another girl for some wings
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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