So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
