you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
