I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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