I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
