If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Green mimosas i think yes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
