I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
