Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
