wakey wakey hands off snakey
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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