I think I died a long time ago.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
