On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
