Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
