there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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