so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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