either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
