yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
