So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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