The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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