I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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