I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
