matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
