Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
