I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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