Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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