What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
