You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
