Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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