I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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