I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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