Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
