overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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