Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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