Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
birth control should be required to get into college
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
