Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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