you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
