so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
