Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
