I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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