you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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