Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
