Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
